Mixed-up Feelings

I insisted to blog tonight because of many incidents i witnessed or i have got exposed to. Last time ididnt have the chance to read Brigid's blog, so i saved it to scan it later. Tonight, i found myself wanting to read and refresh my summer's memories that i will not forget ever, and i didnt find anything better that reading the saved version of Brigid's blog.

I can't mention how i felt when i started reading it, noting the magical poetic touch the Brigid adds to its sentences especially when it comes to dramatic moments, coz i know her well, especially when she gets sad, and needs to cry; She reminds me of my sister; i dont know why, but Brigid has something in common with my only sister, who i really miss coz she is living in Australia. Maybe it is her feminine, tender form, or her smooth speeches, or her nice spirit that makes me attached to her, even without knowing.

My mood changed, i felt sad and lonely; Every incident the she mentioned in her memorial posts make me get back in mind to that period and remeber the nice times we had with the entire crew if i can relate it to AWOL, or to the class times when we used to meet with her on Thursdays.

I am very sensitive to everything that relates to Lebanon and to everybody who realizes the distictiveness of this country and its people. Its a country that just lacks political rest; Its people are as Brigid described, its nature is a mozaic peice of every single part of the world, its food is nutritious and makes everyone who tastes it attached to the soil that generated it. I realized how difficult it is to leave a place and go to another especially if you become related in one way or another to the people before any thing else of the neighborhood you used to live in for a period of time, full of all kinds of experiences and changes.

I think Brigid was lucky to have this trip in that timing. She witnessed how change can happen, how assassinations take place, how people react, explosions here and there, all that accompanied with the revolval of the ordinary wheel of life; everybody continued his/her usual way of life althought unrest was dominating.

I am mixed-up with all the feelings i am witnessing in this moment, i dont know if i should sleep carrying the same mood, or forget about it and move on; I really dont know, but what i can say is that i miss Brigid, really really, to an extent that i even didnt think that it could reach this level.

I will sleep, and.... keep it.