Back to Beirut

35 days since i left my home and my life in Beirut. I just came back this night, but everything seems changing to me. As if i am driving my car i a district that I visit for the first time. I dont know how to describe that feeling. I cant say its only sadness; I cant say its only depression; I cant say its only a deep wound. Its a part of everykind and a bunch of more.

How it looks like? I came in the dark; I intended to arrive here with the dark shadowing up the place in order not to see destruction, not to see people, not to see the atmosphere. I Intended not to see anything sad, but its all there, u dont have to see it, u are just obliged to feel it. Thats definitely not Beirut; Its definitely not; Its not that place of fun and lights, not that place of un-stopping movement, not that place of modernity and civilization. I dont know if I can say the another Katrina passed by this place and turned everything upside down. Its a picture that i hope to delete from my memory, and not recover it again. Its my first time to see Beirut like that. Sadness surrounds every corner, even the Down Town. I intended to take a turn before reaching home just to see if life is still there. Eveerything still in place. The table at Kiub's restaurant is still in its place, but its attendants are not. Its not that place that i used to come to and watch the World Cup at. I am sad again, I dont know till when.

The streets are nearly empty; with one or two taxis wondering to find some passengers. In this time they should be crowded, full, and buzy all the time. But If they still come to this place, their passengers left it... till when, thats the question.

The hot humid air, full with the smell of war, of burning oil, full CO2, and enriched with carbon monoxide. Its not our breeze. Its definitly not. Its not the wind of the sea and the breeze of the hill. Its not. Again till when this dark cloud will remail managing our atmosphere, I dont have the answer.

In this night, I dont know if i can say goodnight. but anyways, for the remaining hope we have in this country, I shall say it: "Good Night Beirut, Good Night Lebanon".

END